'Murrican 'Spress Cawds

Most folks over a certain age will remember the American Express commercials that always ended with the words, "Don't leave home without it". (Hell, for all I know, they are still on TV. I dunno, never watch television anymore.)

While loading the old bat utility belt up the other day, I got to thinking about about those commercials, and all the stuff that I hang on my belt and in my pockets and stuff in my manpurse, (hey, it's a camo buttpack, alright? Since it's a camo buttpack, it's a manly manpurse!) And, since I have a lot of time to think some days, (not that I always use it productively), I got to thinking about my "don't leave home without its".

So, without further ado, here is the somewhat insane list.

First up, the checkbook and the wallet. Not that there is always money in the checking account, or cash in the wallet, but ya gotta have 'em with ya. Those go in the hip pockets. (Kinda the traditional place for 'em, ya know? And besides, the checkbook makes a handy place to stash things like business cards and little notes to myself that I will forget about until it's too late to use them for the intended purpose...)

Right front pocket gets the tactical knife, (this week, it's a piece from the Byrd division of Spyderco, next week, who knows?), house keys, car keys, keys to the range, and a few bucks worth of change. ('Cause you never know when you might have to use a payphone, or mug a vending machine for a quick snack...)

Left front pocket gets a little overloaded. (And MAN, does it mess up the jeans sometimes. I gotta fix a couple things here.) Six inch Craftsman adjustable wrench. (Sucker has gotten me home off the road a couple times. Never dis the ability to unhook a battery cable so you can clean gunk out of it in an emergency. Or turn any other bolt up to 3/4 inch. All the great tools in the world are worth nothing if they aren't there when yer needs 'em) Backup set of house and car keys. (Having performed the terminally brain damaged stunt of locking myself out of my house and car before, I decided that this would never happen to me again. 'Specially after locking myself out of my running car in a snowstorm. Long story. No, I wasn't home at the time. Yes, it ended well. Even got a date out of it!) Small Schrade multitool (scissors type), mostly used for cutting zip ties. This one is on a keychain with a Pelican knife on the other end of it. Saved for those times when I need a small, REALLY sharp knife for some purpose. Mostly, it stays in my pocket. Spare 123A battery in a small, plastic, waterproof container. Temporarily, there is also a "pruning shears" multitool. (Also used for cutting zip ties, in the pocket because I need to repair the belt sheath for it. Normally, it goes on the left side of the belt. No, it isn't lonely when it's there.)

Belt, left side. One Leatherman Wave multitool. (Yes, I know about Mr. Leatherman and his environmental/political stupidity. I bought it in 1998, and I'm not going to trash it because the owner of the company does stupid things. On the other hand, it will be the last new Leatherman tool I ever buy.) Its place was earned due to the fact that it is a very good screwdriver tool. Not so great as a pair of pliers, but a pretty durned screwdriver! In a pocket on the outside of the sheath is a Gerber utility knife. You know, the kind that takes the replaceable blades from the standard carpet knife. But this one is less than a quarter inch thick, and weighs damned near nothing. When I get off of my ass and fix the sheath for my shears, they will rejoin this pair.

Belt, right side. From back to front, Gerber multitool. (This is, I think, the early 600 model. It doesn't take the replaceable saw blades, and has two knife blades, one serrated, one straight edge. I've been carrying it around since 1998, too, and it has been through hell. Now, I suppose you are wondering why there are several multitools on me. See, it's like this. Each of them has it's purpose in the system. The Gerber is there because it's just about the best pair of pliers out there. Just about indestructable, even by me. More than I can say for the Wave. On the other hand, the Gerber is just about my last choice for a screwdriver. Extremely awkward in that usage, you see.) Then the cell phone. (No, you can't have my number. You wouldn't want it anyway, 'cause I'm a boring conversationalist.) I hardly ever use it, but it's damned handy to have around when I need it. Just in front is a Surefire E1L, which is a damned good flashlight to have around when you need a lot of light to see by. (Or some goober needs a flashlight to see into dark places at work. That's where it mostly gets used, anyways.) In front of that is a Benchmade rescue hook. It's made to cut seatbelts safely. Now, I have never had to cut a seatbelt in an emergency, but it doesn't take up much room, will do the job if it ever becomes necessary, and in the meantime, it does plastic strapping for a treat.

Lastly (for the stuff attached to my body), there is the Surefire L1 Lumamax (white output), on its lanyard around my neck. Great flashlight. It has dual output levels, (controlled by how hard you push the button on the back), at low levels, it's about double the output of the AA Maglight I used to keep in my pocket. On high, it's about equal to my 4D Maglight. Fantastic lighting, it gets used daily.

Then there's the Murse. (manpurse, if you've forgotten it, that's the camo buttpack) Glucose meter, prescription drugs, more spare batteries, (sometimes, when I remember to replenish the supply), mini first aid kit (various adhesive bandages, along with some ibruprofen tablets), a couple spare pieces of 550 cord, emergency glucose supply, hobo tool, (knife/fork/spoon, if you've never seen one, and if you have ever had those miserable plastic forks and spoons from the fast food places break on you, you know why!), and miscellaneous "stuff". (mostly things that I forgot to take out of there after I stuffed them in. Sometimes it's things that I meant to bring home to show to She Who Unaccountably Married Me, sometimes it's just "stuff".)

Could I reduce this stuff? Yeah, I could probably pull the Schrade and the Pelican knife, for starters. The pruning shears do a wonderful job of cutting zip ties when necessary, and I have used the Peliknife for just damned near nothing except cleaning my fingernails since I first stuck it in there in 1996. But they do have some seniority, after all, and it does give me a knife to loan out. Do I really need two flashlights? There are those who would argue that, no, I don't. Only thing is, I don't like loaning the L1 out to some ham handed idjit at work, and there are times when having that dual output is just too handy. (Like when I am walking through my house at night conducting a kitty census, no need for semi-tactical light outputs then, I'm thinking...)

Think about what you carry, and why. If nothing else, it makes for an interesting mental exercise.